My Conversion Story

I was recently asked by a friend to tell her of my conversion story. Her response was so positive I thought I would post my story here for anyone else who would like to read it as well. I have made a few revisions and added to it somewhat, in hopes of coming across with a clearer perspective of my own conversion..

My Conversion Story: From where I was, to where I am today, and how I got here, by the Grace of God;

My conversion was in no way dramatic such as Saul of Tarsus’s was. The Bible teaches us that “The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit” (John 3:8). The wind can be very strong and dramatic and it can be very gentle and more like a soft breeze. I would liken my conversion to this gentle breeze. First of all I need to give a little background in order to help you understand how I came to know what a real conversion even is..

I believe I was 12 years old when I made a public profession of faith and was baptized. From a young age, I had believed all I had to do to become a Christian was to walk an aisle and pray a prayer, make a decision, be baptized and I was in.. Once I had done this, I was fully assured of my salvation. I lived a fairly moral 'good girl' kind of life from there, but in adulthood I came to understand how imperative it is that we know the full gospel message. There are churches out there that stress man’s responsibility to the point of neglecting God’s sovereignty, and there are other churches that stress God’s sovereignty to the point of neglecting man’s responsibility. Both types are in dreadful error, and leading people astray. Without maintaining that equal balance, realizing that God is 100% sovereign in salvation, (which in no way takes away from the fact that man is also 100% responsible for his actions and in-actions), we can easily get off track and become unbalanced, which will have drastic consequences in our walk of faith. I had come to an intellectual understanding of the sovereignty of God after I married, but it was not until approximately 7 years ago that God became very real to me, and I finally experienced a real heart knowledge of who God is and what He required of me.

I was in my forties before I came to truly recognize that my life was not what it should be as a professing Christian. I knew the way I felt inside was not how a Christian should feel, but I did not seriously question my faith at this time. I was sure that I believed the right doctrines in order to be assured of my salvation, but I also was understanding more and more of what a Christian life should look like, and my life was not looking much like the picture drawn for me in God’s word. I was an angry, discontented ‘professing Christian’ who lacked a real peace and joy inside. I knew scripture taught that one must be joyful, and also that one could experience peace as a believer, so why wasn’t I joyful and why did I not have an inward peace? Also, why was I so discontented with my life? I knew God was the only One who could give me the answer to these questions, and the only way I was going to find those answers would be through seeking Him diligently through repentance, His word, and in prayer, and so this is what I did,

“For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death” (2 Corinthians 7:10).

As a professing Christian, who really started to examine my heart in the light of scripture realizing it was not measuring up, I went on an all out search for God. I read my bible more consistently, and I started listening to good balanced teaching (thanks to sermons my husband obtained for me), and I sought God in prayer, asking Him to help me in those areas I knew I so miserably failed in.. love being the biggest one. I also sent a letter to our pastor asking him to pray that God would help me to love my family unconditionally because this was a big area I struggled in..

From where I stand today, I can look back and see that my  faith had actually been false for many years. To begin with, it was false because it was based on a belief that I could do something to merit my own salvation. After finding out this kind of teaching is wrong, I turned to basing my assurance of salvation on the fact that I believed God was sovereign in all things, even in our salvation. However, we can learn from scripture that Satan himself is totally orthodox in his belief in a sovereign God, “You believe that God is one; you do well. Even the demons believe—and shudder” (James 2:18), and we know he has no hope of salvation, “..there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44), so why should I have any hope of salvation, simply because I believe in a sovereign God?

If I could not have assurance of salvation through something I had done or even through (thinking that I was) believing all the right things, how could I be assured of eternal life? In God’s word we find the essential key to salvation in the gospel of John. Jesus reveals this key to Nicodemus,

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God” (John 3:3).

Nicodemus was a very righteous man (in the eyes of other men who thought themselves righteous), but he evidently did not understand the new birth himself, and he was even a ‘teacher of Israel’ (see John 3:1-14). I don’t recall ever feeling as if I was a new person, (certainly not spiritually reborn) not prior to 7 years ago that is.

I believe it was right around the time of a very heartbreaking situation within our family that I experienced what the bible refers to as regeneration, which simply put, is a spiritual birth,

“But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior,” (Titus 3:4-6).

It was at this time that God showed me what a miserable sinner I was. I remember thinking at the time how I was no better than those that I had looked down on for one reason or another, and I knew I fell far short of where I needed to be. I felt very humbled by God. Daniel 4:37 tells us that “...those who walk in pride he is able to humble.” Scripture also tells us to,

“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you” (James 4:7-10).

It was at this time that I believe God graciously imparted to me the gift of His Holy Spirit as the seal of guarantee for my salvation. Ephesians 1:12-14 tells us that, “In him you also, when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and believed in him, were sealed with the promised Holy Spirit, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until we acquire possession of it, to the praise of his glory.”

After it was evident there was a change in my heart and my life was transformed, I learned that my husband had been praying for me for years. Even though he had never told me he had questioned my faith in the past, he had experienced doubts as to whether or not I was truly born again. Only those who live with us day to day and know us best can really see the discrepancies within our lives, (unless they are blatantly obvious).

It wasn't until after a few years of diligently seeking God that I came to truly realize that my idea of Christianity and scripture’s teaching of Christianity were two very different perspectives. I had grown up believing I was a Christian because of things that I had done or beliefs that I held to, but scripture’s teaching proved me to be wrong. I came to realize that I had been playing the part of a Christian, merely going through the motions outwardly, but not having experienced an inward change of heart. When the Holy Spirit changes the heart of an individual, they know something has happened to them. The Bible states that, “.. if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17). I can truly relate to the truth of this verse now, because I have been experiencing its effectiveness these past 7 years, as I grow and mature in the faith. My whole focus in life has changed:

* Prior to my conversion, I was angry much of the time, and though I cannot say I am never angry now, I can honestly say, I do not live with anger as I once did, (Colossians 3:8).

* Prior to my conversion, I was discontent most of the time, and though again, I cannot say I have fully mastered my discontent, I can say, I have learned to be content in many circumstances that would not have been possible before, (Philippians 4:11).

* Prior to my conversion, I felt little joy. pretty much only when things were going my way, (which wasn’t really joy, but a temporary happiness). Today I can honestly say that even though I am not happy 100% of the time, I can feel joy even in the midst of trials, (John 15:11).

* Prior to my conversion, my life lacked such peace, but today I am filled with the peace of knowing that my Heavenly Father is in complete control of all things, and He is working through all things for my good and His glory, (John 16:33).

* Prior to my conversion, I had very little patience, but today, even though I cannot say I am patient 100% of the time, I can say that I am far more patient than I ever was before my conversion, (2 Corinthians 6:4-6).

* Prior to my conversion, I had absolutely no goodness in me whatsoever, but through God’s great mercy, He has imparted to me the goodness of His Son, (which only shows itself in those times that I am accurately displaying Christ’s image), (Psalm 31:19).

* Prior to my conversion, I was not very loving, and only displayed signs of love at times when others were behaving in ways that was pleasing to me, but since God has filled me with such love,  I can honestly say, that I can (and do) love (by God's grace alone), even those who have brought much pain and heartache into my life, (Colossians 3:12-14).

I see things so differently today than I did prior to 7 years ago. My Heavenly Father has truly become so much dearer to me in recent years as I read and study His word through the eyes of faith, and spend time in prayer like I never had before. I am so thankful that God has graciously blessed me with a husband who is so well grounded in His word and who has been such a tremendous help to me in my walk. Up until approximately 7 years ago, my focus had been living to please myself...Today, I am happy to say that my desire is to have my focus totally on living to glorify God in all that I do, say and even think, being mindful of the greatest command,

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27).

Unfortunately, I still live in a body where resides a sinful nature, as we all do, so I still fail many times, but, I am more aware of my many failures today and am often convicted of my sin and so I can say with John Newton,

“I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am."

I Praise God that I am not what I once was. I also praise God for the following assurance, “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 1:6). We musn’t forget our responsibility in this, “Since we have these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from every defilement of body and spirit, bringing holiness to completion in the fear of God” (2 Corinthians 7:1).

In recalling a past sermon given by Steven Lawson, I remember him telling of George Whitfield and how he preached so much on the new birth. He said one day a lady came up to Mr. Whitfield after his service and asked him, “Why do you keep preaching over and over, ‘You must be born again, you must be born again’ ”? Dr. Lawson said the reply that was given with a smile, went something like this, “My dear lady, it is because, You must be born again”!

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If, as one who has read this, you are a professing Christian (or one who has never professed Christ or is in a back-slidden state) who feels as if something is just not right within your own heart, I would urge you to examine your life in the light of God’s word and see how you measure up. I would also urge you to seek God diligently, daily, and consistently. If you do so, He will be faithful to keep His promises,

“I love those who love me, and those who seek me diligently find me” (Proverbs 8:17).

“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you” (James 4:7).

If you have not already done so, I pray you also will experience the regenerating work of the Holy Spirit within your own life and come to find the same kind of peace and joy that I have found in mine- through faith in Christ alone for my salvation, understanding that the faith that I have been given is a faith that is not alone, “For as the body apart from the spirit is dead, so also faith apart from works is dead” (see James 2:14-26). This  is also a faith that will produce fruit, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Galatians 5:22-23), and as I walk in step with His Spirit (see Galatians 5:16), God  produces this fruit in my life, and I love Him for it. I am also assured that as I grow and mature in the faith, this fruit will grow in abundance as well, (Mark 4:20). Praise God for the work of sanctification He does in the lives of His children. :)

 I hope you have enjoyed reading this as much as I have in writing it..  May God Bless. :)