Forgiving- Is it Optional?

What does scripture teach us in regard to whether or not we should forgive others if they do not show any signs of repentance? The following is a write-up on this subject following much study and prayer.

In the parable of Matthew 18 Peter asks, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (In the KJV this reads seventy times seven.) The point is that we must forgive over and over, and not try to even keep count. We must note here that Jesus does not say IF your brother repents, you must forgive him. Each parable was told in order to bring across one clear message. The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant tells us of a man who owed a great debt that he could not pay. It also tells of how his master mercifully canceled that debt, absolving him of payment. The same man who was forgiven the debt failed to show mercy to another who owed him a paltry amount in comparison. Upon finding this out, the master then delivered the unforgiving servant to the jailers until he should pay all the debt (which would be impossible for him to do). We need to see in this parable our own story. We owed a great debt we could not pay, and yet God, in his mercy absolved us of that debt, (if we are His children). In Colossians 2:13-14 we read, “And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross.” Considering the enormous debt we have been freed from paying, we must freely forgive others the small debts they owe us in comparison. IF we refuse to forgive others their offenses against us, then we cannot expect God to forgive our debt against Him, “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6:14-15).

A good example of forgiveness before repentance occurs can be found in the Parable of the Prodigal Son. Long before the wayward son asked for forgiveness, the father granted it. In Luke 15:20 we read, “while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him”. In this parable we also must see our own story. If we are children of God, our heavenly Father has shown us great compassion, for “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life. More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation” (Romans 5:8-11).

Scripture does not tell us that we were reconciled to God after we repented, but while we were still in our sin and enemies of God, “He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins” (Col. 1:13-14). In lieu of God’s great mercy toward us who have been forgiven so great a debt we could not pay, we must, in obedience to scripture’s teaching, forgive as the Lord has forgiven us (Col. 3:13) and leave the rest up to God. We must also understand that there can only be reconciliation of relationships if God brings it about. Our responsibility is to attempt reconciliation, pray for it and leave the rest in God’s hands, “All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation” (2 Corinthians 5:18) ; “Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God” (2 Corinthians 5:20).

In Luke 17 Jesus again teaches us the importance of forgiveness, but with a different view in mind. Jesus tells the disciples here “If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him” (Luke 17: 3). We must understand that to forgive someone does not always mean we do not hold them accountable for their sin. Many times we can, (and should) overlook minor offenses against us, as the unforgiving servant in the Matthew 18 parable should have done, “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). However, scripture does teach us, “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted” (Galatians 6: 1). The teaching here is that we must hold those who claim to be Christians accountable for their transgression, and be willing to forgive that one as many times as he/she repents, which may not be an easy task, especially if one offends us over and over and over in the same day. We need to follow the example set forth in Matthew 18:15-17 “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector,” meaning we must treat that individual as an unbeliever who is need of being shown the compassion and love of God. The point of both teachings is that we must forgive. We must forgive even if repentance does not occur, and we must forgive over and over even when it does occur, “bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Colossians 3:13).

Scripture leaves us no leeway for being unforgiving. God alone determines whose sins He will forgive, whose transgressions will be covered by the blood of Christ, “For he says to Moses, “I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, “For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I might show my power in you, and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.” So then he has mercy on whomever he wills, and he hardens whomever he wills.” (Romans 9:15-18). With the correct understanding that all were destined for hell, not one of us is deserving of anything less it is easier to see how “...God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory.” He will forgive those He has chosen to forgive and we must forgive all- not knowing exactly who He has chosen to forgive.

We must understand all of these issues within the context of the entire teaching of scripture which summed up in one command is, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” Obedience to God’s commands is the best way we can show our love for Him,“If you love me, you will keep my commandments” (John 14:15). Obedience to God’s commands is the best way we show our love for others as well, “By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey his commandments” (1 John 5:2). One of God’s commands is “as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Colossians 3:13).