Appropriate Response to Inappropriate Behavior

Recently I have been reading “Competent to Counsel”, by Jay Adams -- a book said to have “helped thousands of pastors, students, laypersons, and Christian counselors develop both a general approach to Christian counseling and a specific response to particular problems”. In this book I came upon "Mary", a young lady diagnosed as manic-depressive and confined to a mental institution. Mary was said to have developed a technique which effectively camouflaged her and kept hidden the problem truly plaguing her. This technique was to drown out everyone around her, so they would leave her alone. Just as a child may scream in order to get their own way, so Mary screamed to get what SHE wanted, which was for everyone to leave her alone and not question her actions.

When counselors got close to putting a finger on the real problem in Mary’s life (which turned out to be adultery), she began to cry and scream at the top of her lungs. She sobbed uncontrollably and begged to be left alone. In the past, it was said, this tactic had been very effective. Mary's screaming and crying had always warded off attempts by family and others seeking to discern the true reason for her distress. However, counselors in the institution were not going to fall for it. Instead, they looked her right in the eye and admonished her to be quiet, making clear that they could be of no help to her whatsoever if she didn’t stop with her nonsense and tell them what her problem was. Basically, they said to her, “Surely a young girl like you doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life in this institution. We know you have real problems, and we know that there is something wrong in your life. Now let’s talk..” Brushing aside the camouflage and pursuing a straight course to the heart of the matter, the counselors stood firm in their resolve to talk and work things out. When Mary realized her antics were of no effect, she turned them off and gave in -- telling them her whole miserable story. Because the counselors dealt appropriately with her self-protective tactics, she was able to honestly face her problems and find help in confession and change. Before the counselors could help Mary, they had to deal with her inappropriate behavior.

As I ponder over this story, I wonder how many others (both young and old)... in mental institutions or not... could be helped if their situations were addressed in an appropriate manner. If, instead of trying to ignore their problems, they would face those problems head on. Problems which inevitably come down to a problem of the heart, by the way. A problem called "sin".

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; who can know it” (Jeremiah 17:9)?

In Psalm 139:23, the Psalmist wrote, “Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And in Psalm 94:10-12 we read, “He who teaches man knowledge—the Lord—knows the thoughts of man, that they are but a breath. Blessed is the man whom you discipline, O Lord, and whom you teach out of your law,”

If we were focused on God and His glory (which should be of utmost importance to those who profess to know Christ), we would not give in to the various tactics others use in order to get their way. We would be more focused on helping them, by steering them to God’s word and praying the Holy Spirit would do a work in their hearts in order to instill in them a desire to exhibit correct behavior according to scripture’s teaching.

In Jay Adam's book, "Competent to Counsel", it is made clear, “Counseling is the work of the Holy Spirit. Effective counseling cannot be done apart from him.” The statement is made that, “Counseling, to be Christian, must be carried on in harmony with the regenerating and sanctifying work of the Spirit.” We must understand that we can do no good apart from the power of Christ at work within us. It is the Spirit who convicts men of sin and the Spirit alone who can bring about a true godly repentance and healing. 2 Corinthians 3:18 reads;

“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”

May we truly seek God’s wisdom (through his word) in knowing how to deal with inappropriate behavior in an appropriate manner in order to help those around us who are evidently in need of the help and healing that only He can bring.

“For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12).