Teaching Respect through Submission

In a recent discussion in regard to the lack of respect children seem to have for those in authority over them these days, someone I highly respect pointed me to the scriptures that I might consider the reason for this sad dilemma. Why is it the following words seem to have little or no meaning for many children today, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you” (Ephesians 6:1-3)? To find the answer to our perplexing issues, we must consider what the scriptures have to say, for “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

After reading what the scripture has to say in regard to respect and honor within the home, I would have to ask the following question: Could the reason our children are not showing respect and honor for those in authority over them these days be our failure as wives to show honor and respect for our husbands? From the beginning of time God instituted order. These are God’s words to Eve after she sinned, “……. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.” In other words, we as wives tend to want to be in control, but we must submit to our husbands being the head of the home in order to live in obedience to scripture and also to avoid confusing our children. For order to prevail someone must be in charge. You can’t have a ship run without a captain, nor a school without a principal, nor a home without someone being head of the household. In Ephesians 5:22-24 we read,“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands” (Ephesians 5:22-24).

(Before going any further, I want to make clear that I am addressing normal case scenarios here, involving a husband and wife who are both professing Christians and desiring to live in obedience to God’s word). We find God teaching wives, through His word to be submissive to husbands as an example of how the church needs to submit to Christ. We need to understand that children learn not only through verbal teaching, but also through our example. If our actions do not match up with our words, our children will only end up being confused. If we try and tell them they need to be respectful and obedient to their parents (and others in authority over them), yet we, as wives, fail to show respect and submission to our husbands in obedience to scripture, then our children will also fail to learn to respect and submit to our (and other’s) authority over them.

Our Heavenly Father is a Good and Merciful God who has given us these instructions for the good of our families and that we might bring glory to His holy name. In Deuteronomy 12:28 we are told to “Be careful to obey all these words that I command you, that it may go well with you and with your children after you forever, when you do what is good and right in the sight of the Lord your God.”

We should also understand that in order for things to run smoothly in a home, the husband, as head of the home, must be following scriptural teaching as well. In Ephesians 5:32 we read, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Paul is talking about the roles of both husbands and wives. In Ephesians 5:25-27, husbands are told to “…..love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”

Can you imagine the difference it would make in our homes if as husbands and wives, we lived in obedience to God’s teaching in this? If parents not only taught their children but showed the example of respecting and loving one another in accordance to scripture’s teaching, children would find it far easier to submit to their parent’s authority. Paul told Timothy to set the believers an example in speech, and in conduct, (see 1 Timothy 4:12). We must do the same for our children.

Our children need not only to be taught, but they need to be shown the biblical example of respect, love and a heartfelt submission (1 Samuel 16:7). So as husbands and wives whose desire is to raise children who will honor and respect authority, we must submit to the One who is in authority over us all. So, husbands, “...let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” May we do this, being mindful that we are to “...do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).

Love and Consequences

I have been thinking on the importance of answering others in love in relation to our children, and in so doing, what was one of our grandson’s favorite children's stories came to mind. This story is entitled, I'll Always Love You, written by Paeony Lewis, and it is about a little bear cub who is afraid of how his mom will react to something he has done, so he seeks her out and starts plying her with the following types of questions.. “Mom, will you love me only if I'm good?... even if I've done something that isn't good? Her reply is always the same, “I'll always love you”. He needs further reassurance as he asks.. “What if I have a pillow fight with ….. and all the feathers burst out? Will you still love me? His mom then replies, “I'll always love you, though... you must pick up all the feathers”.. Even when his mom finally finds out her little one had broken her favorite honey bowl, he is reassured, not only with a big bear hug, but by her, “Of course, I'll always love you” response to his reminder, “You said you would still love me”.

Our children need to know we love them, regardless of the amount of grief they may cause us- whether intentional or not, and also no matter what age they may be. However, they too need to understand that there are consequences to pay for wrong actions- whether those actions are with the intention to cause pain or not. If we do not teach our little ones there are consequences to wrong actions, they may not be so conscientious as they grow older and at such a time as when their parents no longer have control over those consequences. The consequences with little ones’ wrong actions should be relatively small, however they do need to know that the older they get, the more severe the consequences to their actions may be.

In thinking on this, the story of Hophni and Phinehas comes to mind. We are told in 1 Samuel 2:17, that “.. the sin of the young men was very great in the sight of the LORD, for the men treated the offering of the LORD with contempt.” Contempt for the LORD's offering was not the only sin these young priests were rebuked for, In 1 Samuel 2:22, we read; “Now Eli was very old, and he kept hearing all that his sons were doing to all Israel, and how they lay with the women who were serving at the entrance to the tent of meeting.” The effect of their immoral actions was to bring grief to their father and to dishonor God. Hophni and Phinehas paid no attention to their father's admonishment, as “..he said to them, 'Why do you do such things? For I hear of your evil dealings from all the people. No, my sons; it is no good report that I hear the people of the LORD spreading abroad. If someone sins against a man, God will mediate for him, but if someone sins against the LORD, who can intercede for him? But they would not listen to the voice of their father” (1 Samuel 2:23-24, 25).

Eli should have actually removed his sons as priests, for their behavior was certainly not above reproach and by allowing them to continue in office Eli was honoring his sons above God. When we neglect our responsibility as parents toward our children, we suffer the consequences and when our children neglect their responsibility toward honoring their parents and God- they also will suffer the consequences.. We each are responsible for our own actions. This is God's response to Eli's failure to honor him above his sons, “..those who honor me I will honor, and those who despise me shall be lightly esteemed. Behold, the days are coming when I will cut off your strength and the strength of your father's house, so that there will not be an old man in your house.........And this that shall come upon your two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, shall be the sign to you: both of them shall die on the same day. And I shall raise up for myself a faithful priest, who shall do according to what is in my heart and in my mind..” (1 Samuel 2:30-31, 34-35).

The consequences that Eli and his two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, suffered for dishonoring God were dire indeed. May it be our desire to honor God above all others, not just for our own sake, but for the sake of our children as well, “O that there were such a heart in (us), that (we) would fear God, and keep all (of His) commandments always, that it may be well with (us), and with (our) children for ever” (Deuteronomy 5:29).

Blessed are the Peace- makers

   In going through some older writings I came across a post that teaches us the importance of being a peace-maker. In 1 Samuel 25, we can read of the account of Nabal versus David. Nabal was a very rich man married to a woman named Abigail. We are told that Abigail was not only beautiful, but discerning, however her husband, Nabal, was “harsh and badly behaved”. In this account we learn of how David had been a wall of protection to Nabal's shepherds while they pastored their master's flocks in the wilderness, but when David sends some of his servants to Nabal to request some food for his men in exchange for their kindness, David's servants are treated very rudely and sent away empty handed.(vss.5-12) David is highly insulted at Nabal's treatment and his response is to tell every man to strap on their swords.. However, in God's providence, one of Nabal's young men told Abigail, “Behold, David sent messengers out of the wilderness to greet our master, and he railed at them. Yet the men were very good to us, and we suffered no harm, and we did not miss anything when we were in the fields, as long as we went with them. They were a wall to us both by night and by day, all the while we were with them keeping the sheep. Now therefore know this and consider what you should do, for harm is determined against our master and against all his house, and he is such a worthless man that one cannot speak to him” (! Samuel 25:14-17). 

 

    Then we can read of how Abigail wisely made haste and gathered together much food and laid it all on donkeys and then told her young men to go before her and she would follow them. Before they completed their errand, they were met by David and his men, who were also on an errand, but one of a different kind, as evidenced through David's comments, “Surely in vain have I guarded all that this fellow has in the wilderness, so that nothing was missed of all that belonged to him, and he has returned me evil for good. God do so to the enemies of David and more also, if by morning I leave so much as one male of all who belongs to him” (1 Samuel 25:21- 22). When Abigail saw David, she hurried down from her donkey and fell at his feet and pled that he put the guilt of her husband on her as she had not seen the young men of David's come with their request.. She then implores him to accept the presents she had brought and asks for David's forgiveness, ending her speech with the following words, “And when the LORD has done to my lord according to all the good that he has spoken concerning you and has appointed you prince over Israel, my lord shall have no cause of grief or pangs of conscience for having shed blood without cause or for my lord taking vengeance himself. And when the LORD has dealt well with my lord, then remember your servant” (1 Sam. 25:30-31).

    This is David's response to Abigail's errand as peacemaker, “Blessed be the LORD, the God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me! Blessed be your discretion, and blessed be you, who have kept me this day from bloodguilt and from avenging myself with my own hand! For as surely as the LORD God of Israel lives, who has restrained me from hurting you, unless you had hurried and come to meet me, truly by morning there had not been left to Nabal so much as one male.” Then David received from her hand what she had brought him. And he said to her, 'Go up in peace to your house. See, I have obeyed your voice, and I have granted your petition' ” (1 Sam. 25:32-35). 

 

    What a great example of not only the importance of being a peacemaker, but also of being willing to listen to the one who is attempting to bring peace between ourselves and another who we may be in conflict with. In Matthew 5:9 we are told, “Blessed are the peacemakers...” .

Showing Love versus Condoning Sin

Does showing the love of Christ to others mean we should show condone their sin? As always we must go to the scriptures to seek answers to our questions. I found the following references to be very helpful in this. In Ephesians 5:11 we read, “Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, …….”; “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God” (1 Corinthians 6:9-10). Would not acceptance (or any kind of support whatsoever) of this kind of behavior make it easier for those who practice such things to continue living in a way that will keep them out of God’s kingdom?

We know we are not to shun or treat those who live contrary to scripture’s teaching in any other way than to show them the kindness of Christ. We are to be compassionate and caring toward all, with no exceptions remembering that we, “who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present (us) holy and blameless and above reproach before him..” (Colossians 1:21-22).

We must understand however, that we can only have assurance of inheritance in God’s kingdom ourselves.. “ ..if indeed (we) continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that (we have) heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven..” (Colossians 1:23).

Being assured of our salvation does not give us license to sin, “For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another” (Galatians 5:13). If we use our freedom to sin we are not showing love, but rather gratifying the desires of the flesh, “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God,” ( Galatians 5:16-22).

If we are engaged in any of the above activities, we need to heed the warnings of Ezekiel and, “Repent and turn from all your transgressions, lest iniquity be your ruin.” In Ezekiel 33:11 we are told that God does not delight in the death of the wicked, “‘As I live,’ says the Lord God, ‘I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but that the wicked turn from his way and live.” In Acts 2:38, Peter wrote, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.”

As those who have received the gift of the Holy Spirit, it will be our desire to see others come to repentance and experience the forgiveness of sins as well. Out of love “To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood” (Revelation 1:5), we will desire to see others turn from their former way of living and turn to Christ that they may experience new life in Him, whether they be “sexually immoral, idolaters, adulterers, homosexuals, thieves, those who are greedy, drunkards, revilers (or) swindlers.. etc.” Even though God shows great tolerance toward our sin, "And after all that has come upon us for our evil deeds and for our great guilt, seeing that you, our God, have punished us less than our iniquities deserved" (Ezra 9:13,  He does not accept our sinful behavior, nor condone it in any way. To show no support or acceptance toward sinful behavior, while at the same time showing love to the one exhibiting such behavior is to show a true Biblical love. This is the kind of love that God shows to us, and we are told to “..be imitators of God as beloved children” (Ephesians 5:1).