Teaching Respect through Submission

In a recent discussion in regard to the lack of respect children seem to have for those in authority over them these days, someone I highly respect pointed me to the scriptures that I might consider the reason for this sad dilemma. Why is it the following words seem to have little or no meaning for many children today, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you” (Ephesians 6:1-3)? To find the answer to our perplexing issues, we must consider what the scriptures have to say, for “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

After reading what the scripture has to say in regard to respect and honor within the home, I would have to ask the following question: Could the reason our children are not showing respect and honor for those in authority over them these days be our failure as wives to show honor and respect for our husbands? From the beginning of time God instituted order. These are God’s words to Eve after she sinned, “……. Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.” In other words, we as wives tend to want to be in control, but we must submit to our husbands being the head of the home in order to live in obedience to scripture and also to avoid confusing our children. For order to prevail someone must be in charge. You can’t have a ship run without a captain, nor a school without a principal, nor a home without someone being head of the household. In Ephesians 5:22-24 we read,“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands” (Ephesians 5:22-24).

(Before going any further, I want to make clear that I am addressing normal case scenarios here, involving a husband and wife who are both professing Christians and desiring to live in obedience to God’s word). We find God teaching wives, through His word to be submissive to husbands as an example of how the church needs to submit to Christ. We need to understand that children learn not only through verbal teaching, but also through our example. If our actions do not match up with our words, our children will only end up being confused. If we try and tell them they need to be respectful and obedient to their parents (and others in authority over them), yet we, as wives, fail to show respect and submission to our husbands in obedience to scripture, then our children will also fail to learn to respect and submit to our (and other’s) authority over them.

Our Heavenly Father is a Good and Merciful God who has given us these instructions for the good of our families and that we might bring glory to His holy name. In Deuteronomy 12:28 we are told to “Be careful to obey all these words that I command you, that it may go well with you and with your children after you forever, when you do what is good and right in the sight of the Lord your God.”

We should also understand that in order for things to run smoothly in a home, the husband, as head of the home, must be following scriptural teaching as well. In Ephesians 5:32 we read, “This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.” Paul is talking about the roles of both husbands and wives. In Ephesians 5:25-27, husbands are told to “…..love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.”

Can you imagine the difference it would make in our homes if as husbands and wives, we lived in obedience to God’s teaching in this? If parents not only taught their children but showed the example of respecting and loving one another in accordance to scripture’s teaching, children would find it far easier to submit to their parent’s authority. Paul told Timothy to set the believers an example in speech, and in conduct, (see 1 Timothy 4:12). We must do the same for our children.

Our children need not only to be taught, but they need to be shown the biblical example of respect, love and a heartfelt submission (1 Samuel 16:7). So as husbands and wives whose desire is to raise children who will honor and respect authority, we must submit to the One who is in authority over us all. So, husbands, “...let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” May we do this, being mindful that we are to “...do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31).